Susan & Chris

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.

She said, "I miss you."

I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."

She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.

I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"

Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide.

But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her.

I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

Two Thousand And Twelve

What's going on? What's happen in the past? How good my future?

JANUARI
New Year tahun ini berjalan sangat indah kok, semoga menandakan tahun yang indah juga. Amin.
Bandung, kota yg gue & keluarga pilih buat nikmatin akhir 2011 & awal 2012. BokapNyokap, kakak&teman-temannya, serta gue sendiri. Agak boring sih tapi let it flow... pas udah sampe sana yaaa tempatnya enak dan dingin abis-__- ohya, kabarnya Nyoman juga mau new year di bandung loh, tapi ngga tau deh dimananya hehe ngarep aja bisa ketemu. Sembari nikmatin Bandung, nyoman bbm, dia ngasih tau tempat dia nginep trs dia lagi dimana, yaa percaya ngga percaya yaa penginapan kita itu deketan!! dan dia lagi makan di deket penginapan gue, gue berfikir untuk ketempat makannya nyoman, tanpa berfikir panjang gue langsung kesana HAHA padahal ujan dan gue ngga tau jalan brooh-_- finally, gue sama nyoman bisa ketemu aja loh!! karna rasa kangen sudah terbayar akirnya gue balik dan nyoman jg ke penginapannya. Malam new year, jam 9an tibatiba anak bali ini udah di depan penginapan gue haha yauda trs kita bakar-bakaran bareng temen kakak gue & bokapnyokap, trs main bulutangkis dulu (agak ngga meaning), trs udah deh siap siap di lapangan sama kembang api yg indah!! gila gila pokoknya! thanks god.

FEBRUARI
Bulan ini berjalan seperti apa adanya. Gue tetap dengan rutinitas sekolah di SMA 3 dan orang lain dengan rutinitas mereka. Tanggal 26, gue & nyoman ngedate nih hehe waktu masih di suatu mal jakarta, nyokap gue berencana ke mal yg sama untuk dinner, alhasil, gue ngajak nyoman juga dinner bareng bokapnyokap & kakakkakak gue. So perfect night.

MARET
Kalo denger bulan ini ya gue langsung inget.. nyoman's day yap!! tentunya tanggal 1 nih. Semoga hari itu gue cukup ngebuat nyoman seneng, bahagia, gembira, dll. Birthday Boy. Happy birthday sayang, love you!

Dreizehnten

happy anniv ya nyoman kanada tantraputera!! 

pagi pagi aku ke rumah kamu ya ta, kita main trus ngga lama aku pulang karna kamu mau basket hehe walaupun sebentar tapi aku nyaman bgt kalo disamping kamu :D sorenya kamu istirahat cape ya abis basket, tadinya mau nonton dvd ya kita tapi yaa aku mentingin kamunya dulu, jangan sampe kamu kecapean hehe walaupun aku sedikit kesepian-_- next, akhirnya aku juga bobo kan trus pas aku bangun ternyata kamu udah bbm ngajak main, ya ayuk kalo gituu akhirnya kita jalan jalan deh abis itu pulang. Dan 1 hal lagi, kamu tiba tiba ngirim video ke hpku, pas aku nyampe rumah trus aku liat..... aku ngga ngedip ngeliatnya, aku mau nangis, ngga tau kenapa, padahal mah ngga ada yg sedih gitu atau apaaa tapi aku te-ete-er-ha-aha-er-uru terharuuuu:") seneng aja kamu ngasih sesuatu yg ngga bisa dibandingin sama apapun, kamu niat buat video ini♡♡

I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more

you're better than my dream, cause you're real

you're so special to me and I can't explain why

xoxo,

melymeyi

2nd may 2011, my birthday

keluarga besar meramaikan rumah pada tanggal 1 mei sampai-sampai mely dapat 5 birthday cake!

dan malemnyaaaaaa pas jam 00:00 pergantian tanggal 1 mei ke 2 mei I got many messages from my beloved people! and the first is from nyoman kanadatantra♥  than lot of messages from grafaladiscolossal & CLXXVII2011 thanks guys! I♥U.

paginya dibangunkan oleh geteran hp karna ada yg nelfon, gue ngga bisa liat siapa yang nelfon karna mata masih mau merem, langsung gue angkat 'bisa keluar ngga? ke depan rumah?' gue tau itu nyoman dan gue langusng turun, akhirnyaaaaaaaaaa....

nyoman seorang diri, megang kue berlilin yang udah banyak meleleh, dan tas hitamnya berdiri di depan rumahsambil nyanyi kecil 'happy birthday mely.!!happy birthday mely!!' gue cuma speechless O.O  do you can imagine what I feel when it's happened? oh god thanks I found him! than I make a wish and blow candle:) kado pun terlihat dari tasnya dia wohooo I loved open gifts time! I got doll and I call it miki, than I got a small board with some our photo there, that's sweet

so cute!

dia bikin sendiri~

siangnya gue udah jadwalin buat ke sekolah buat balikin buku, di lobby ada jauza & adin, ngga lama mereka pulang yaaaa cukup aneh. trus aul sms katanya dia mau ke rumah, wessss mendadak banget-__-, maunggamau ya gue pulang tuh. pas nyampe rumah aul belom nyampe, trs ngga lama ada yg teriak 'mely....mely..' pas gue keluar ada muka aul sok lugu (hahaha) padahal gue geliat tangannya goyang-goyang kaya manggil siapa, trs muncul pcl, adin, jauza, bule, dan mereka bawa.....kue! trus nyanyi-nyanyi, make a wish, and blow candle! tiba-tiba..... aul mulai melemparkan sebuah benda (telor) ke kepala dan dilanjutkan oleh bule dan adin serta jauuu dan pcl yang ikut-ikutan-_- ngga lama teman 'si benda' tersebut ikut meramaikan kepala saya, contohnya terigu dan kopi-_- lengkaplah saya sebuah calon makanan yang sexy untuk di santap haha look at this picture!!! 

sampe gue mandi dan makan minum segala mancem baru deh mereka pulang hihi thanks for my day yaaaa♥

sorenyaaaaaaaa,

pas keluar bareng nyoman, kita makan hehe keliling-liling sampe sekt9 jauhhhh ngga tau kemana haha sampe kita behenti di burger&grill, ngobrol  dan bercanda trus jalan lagiiiiii pokoknya jalan jalan dan udah malem ngga kerasa, kita berhenti lagi di tenda makan gitu di veteran haha kita makan! makan seafood, makan kerang rebus kesekaanku! pas mesen dan si nyoman makan eh... dia suka juga haha karna udah kenyang dan belom mau berpisah, kita jalan jalan tuh, nyoman ngajak kemana ngga tau, tiba-tiba berenti disebrang jalan yang ternyata bersebrangan sama toko bunga, yg sebelumnya gue ngga tau karna mata gue ditutup pake jaketnya yang parfumnya enak banget! ngga lama dia dateng, pas gue buka mata dia sambil berlutut megang setangkai mawar putih! 

happy ngga menurut lo? happy coy haha speechless lah gue buat kedua kalinya, nyoman gue pelukkkkk! ah sayang nyoman bangetbanget! 

thanks for CLXXVII2011, colossalgrafaladis, sama keluargaku

4 words I never want to hear

• I never loved you
• I found some one else
• I don't love you anymore
• Let's just be friend
• We can't be together
• I don't remember you
• You make me disappointed
• Your ........ is dead
• You can't have kids
• You're diagnosed with canser

8 things a great guy would do

1. Makes you smile when you're down

2. Gives you a goodbye kiss even when your friends are watching

3. Stares at you when he thinks you don't notice

4. Wait for an hour just to spend a minute with you

5. Be funny but knows when to be serious

6. Holds your hands in a perfect time

7. Gets a little jealous sometimes but know he's the one you love

8. Reacts so cutely when you hit him thought it actually hurt

I hope nyoman♥ like that:')

goes with kudil

nirfa septia dilla:)
dari sabtu malem nih anak monyet udah sms gue ngajakin goes minggu pagi tapi gue males karna mau bangun siang hehe eh minggu pagi tenyata gue bangun pagi-_- jam 7an udah bangun trs gue sms dilla, dia jadi goes ngga  trs katanya jadi tapi dia udah balik karna ngga ada temen haha kaciaaaan. jam 8an dia sms gua ngajakin goes haha gpp masih bisa kebilang pagi kok yauda akhirnya tuh anak kerumah gua, jam setengah 9 dia nyampe dan kita langsung jalan deh. pertamanya nyampe superindo aja udah cape karna tanjakan haha lanjut bee sampe pisok tuh kita istirahat dulu kan, disana sepi cuma ada tonny yauda jalan lagi sampe mcd sekbil trs ngadem deh disitu istirahat cape cooy. badan udah dingin dan udah makan ya kita jadi males pulang wkwk mana panas banget ye kan jam 12, mau ngga mau akhirnya kita muleh deh. setiap jalanan sepi pasti kita berasa dewa jalan di tengah haha bintaro gitu jalannya gede gede. pisok pun jadi tempat istirahat lagi haha abis pw banget di pisok dan di situ ada si anangga kasian sendirian dia, kirain janjian sama anak csl lain. ngga lama di pisok kita langsung jalan pulang deh. pas nyampe perempatan bp berenti dulu ya haha kaki mau copot boy abis tanjakan, pas nyampe kolam renang bintaro kita berpisah deh karna arah rumahnya beda hehe sumpah dil cacat banget ya hari ini haha orang yg goes mah siang udah nyampe rumah ini kita tadi masih dijalan haha sampe rumah keringet ngucurrrr men haha gpp sehat kok, kan gue udah lama ngga basket ya sepedahan sama aja yang penting keluar keringet hehe mana sepedahnya si kudil karet standarnya jatoh dijalan hahaha oon dah, today was awesome!! thanks dilla :D:D